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| Today I was on a friend's xanga site (twinsandthings if you would like to see a beautiful website) and noticed the quote she has running along the top of her site. It is from Monet and says, "Color is my day-long obsession, joy and torment" That quote fits well for not only Monet but also Lisa, and as I thought about it, I began to wonder; what is my obsession? What is not only a joy but a torment? Is there anything in my life that gives me both all day long? Something I think about, dream about and my focus is continually drawn to? I remember another friends' comments not too long ago about being desperate in her relationship with God and I can almost hear her saying, "Why don't I focus on God throughout the day? Because I'm not really obsessed by it...but then, how obsessed should I be?" A day-long joy and torment. The thing that gives me the most joy and also makes me the most tormented. What is it?
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| Coffee. Dark, rich, and full of flavor. Good coffee is amazing. I am not addicted, but I do love a good cup of coffee. Why is it that if you give someone a cup of something hot and rich (like coffee or hot chocolate) that they relax and even if you didn't know each other very well it feels normal and natural to have a good conversation? Coffee shops make a living (and a culture) on this phenomenon. I wonder what it is. Various other cultures don't experience the hesitancy that Americans do in conversing with a stranger. In those areas it doesn't take a cup of coffee, or chocolate (or beer) to get strangers to talk to each other. What is the power in these drinks that bring this about for us conversationally restrained Americans? Or is it even the drink? Maybe it is just the culture of coffee shops (and bars) that bring this relaxation of a rigid rule which we learn as little children, "Don't talk to strangers." I have often thought that churches should somehow tap into this power. Some are doing it already very effectively. But others try and it just doesn't work. Why is that? Should a person be able to come to the church and be handed a cup of rich, live coffee and be engaged in conversation with total strangers--and feel comfortable? Or should there always be this level of uncomfortableness? Will it just be that way, no matter what? Will church always be uncomfortable for someone who doesn't embrace the beliefs of the church? How can we as Christians bring the coffee shops into our churches? Or is that the wrong question? Maybe it should be the other way around...should we take our church into the coffee shop?
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| I have an obsession with shoes. Thus the picture on my site. Also, those who know me well and have endured a shopping trip with me have probably noticed my obsession with shoes. Ok, maybe obsession is too strong of a word. But I definitely like shoes. And they like me, what can I say? When I got married I owned around forty pairs of them. (They must really like me!) Thanks to my husband's support I have now chipped that number down to about 21 pairs. A big improvement for me. But that leads me to a question. How lightly do I live? How loosely do I hold my possessions? It is actually really hard for me to make myself pass up another cute pair of shoes or to get rid of a pair I never wear but keep hanging onto. I guess its the whole question of simplicity. But really it boils down to...how much value I place on my possessions. Granted, we need things like shoes. If I didn't have any, my feet would be great big globs of frozen flesh right now. (great picture, huh?) But at the same time, I don't know that I would be able to manage on only two or three pairs of shoes. That's kind of silly. There are a lot of people who don't have more then one pair of shoes, or those who don't have any at all.
Another example, yesterday while doing dishes I broke one of our glasses. I was really mad at myself for breaking it and really sad that it got broken. It was part of a set and we'd gotten them for as a wedding present. I started thinking. Why was I so upset? It was just a glass! We could get more; there were seven others in the cupboard! I started to think...how loosely do I hold my possessions? And how lightly does God want us to live? I wonder. Sometimes I think I buy into the whole American materialistic dream and start placing so much value on "Stuff" a little too quickly. How does this work? How can I know when I am simply respecting my possessions and being glad that God put me in the place He has and when am I no longer living a simple life?
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| What is it that makes us not like being vulnerable? Why is it that when we are hurting, or scared, or confused we often don't want to talk about it with other people? At least, that's how I am. Last night I was at a Bible study with some girls from school and I realized as we talked about this topic what a Huge thing it is for Christians in general. I remember once talking to someone at church and having a good conversation and then finding out later that week that they were dealing with some really sad things in their family. Why was it that I didn't know? Why is it so hard for me to tell someone "look, something really bad is going on right now, I'm really confused and kinda mad at God, will you pray with me?" Everything inside me doesn't want to do that. Why? Pride, maybe? That evil of all evils (aka Captain Evil Pants) ! Pride. It is probably a big part for a lot of us in why being vulnerable to each other is so yuck, but I think too it is our human defenses going into place. We've learned that life isn't fair, people kick you when you're down, and you can't truly trust people. In a way that is true. In another, its one of the biggest lies I could believe. Just think about it, if everyone was as open and honest with each other as they could be (without crossing those 'appropriateness boundaries') what would life be like as a Christian living in a community of other Christians? Think of the support! The amazing uplifting of prayer! Can you imagine how much faster we might grow in our pursuit of God?
But still...there are questions.
Who can you trust?
How do you know you can trust them?
Will showing people my problems make God look like His people are losers?
And then would anyone want to be one of His people?
How would I deal with the discomfort of being "unmasked"?
And does it really make that big of a difference?
Hmmm,
Debbie
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| This morning I straightened my hair. My hair is naturally curly. As I ruined my hair cells with exorbitant amounts of heat, I started thinking. It went like this:
Me: remember when I was a little kid and I always wanted red hair?
Me: Yeah! I didn't like my hair much.
Me: What is it inside me that makes me desire what I don't have?
Me: You mean like the way you wanted green eyes instead of blue, to be tall instead of short, or dark skinned instead of non-tanning white?
Me: Yes, why can't I just be satisfied with who God made me?
Me: Hmmm. Good point. I don't know. Glad I outgrew that!
Me: I'm straightening my hair.
Me: So....
Me: My hair is curly!
Me: Oh, yeah.
Me: I don't think I've outgrown it. It just comes up differently (sometimes).
Me: (Putting down the straightener) So is it bad to do things like straightening my hair so that I look or feel differently then I do?
Me: (Picking it up again) No, that's ridiculous, I'm not trying to permanently change anything, besides, its just my hair!
Me: (Putting it down again) But does that mean that deep down inside I'm unsatisfied with myself the way God made me to be?
Me: (Picking up the straightener) Maybe, but I'm not going to class with a half straightened head!
So I ask, how much of what we do to our personal appearance is because we are dissatisfied with how we naturally look? Girls, we use makeup and clothes and hair straighteners/curling irons, as a tool to make us be different somehow. Have you ever been having a great day and you know it is directly related to the fact that your hair and clothes make you look cuter then usual? I have. Is that ok? And what does God want? And those are just the "little" things! What about money and cars and titles and power and stuff like that? Do we use them in the same way? What does God think of that? I wonder if I was honest with myself how much in my life I do or desire because of dissatisfaction with who I am?
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